Due to many issues and problems, I tried to transfer one child from Central Elementary to Valley View. And this is what happened today.
On Tuesday (after a Monday Holiday)- I checked my daughter out of Central Elementary. It was a rough day, but a long one coming. I tried to put it off until the end of the year, but it just wasn't working out. We stopped at Valley View Elementary to register her there (yeah I know, a whole 10 blocks away) and received a lot of paperwork to fill out, and a request for a copy of my lease or purchase agreement. I don't have that available right now, so I offered them a copy of utility bill for proof of residency. We told them that she would be back Wednesday morning to start the day (it was lunchtime when we went).
Last Night- I filled out the bunch of paperwork. In this paperwork I had to sign that I was the custodial parent in 3-4 different places. And provided a copy of my Questar Gas bill.
This Morning- I loaded up the 3 smaller ones, drove to the school and took the kids out in the stroller... walked down a hill and through crosswalks to the office... Checked my daughter into the office (turning in the paperwork and utility bill)... walked her to her class... stayed for a few minutes... walked to the lunchroom (slowly... kids in tow) waited in line to make sure the lunch part was taken care of... walked all of the way back to the van and had started to load the kids back up.
I get a phone call. The "lovely" secretary at VV. She wants to know where my divorce decree is. I tell her she doesn't need my divorce decree, that is private information. She said I had to prove to her that I had custody of my daughter and that was the only way. I tell her that I lost it in the flooding of my basement (at the previous house) and have no money to get a copy. I asked if there was any way that I could just have her dad call up or sign something saying that I had custody. No. These options don't work. Then she tells me that without these papers, Tonya cannot be allowed in the school. I asked if they were going to send her out, and the secretary gets snotty, and tells me that they should have never allowed her in without the paperwork, but they will let her stay today and she can't come back until I provide the papers- no exceptions. But, if I don't bring the papers, allowing my daughter in the school, they will have to turn me into the state for not sending her to school... which could impose jail time. At this point I am no longer nice. I ask if all the parents had to prove that they had custody of their kids. And I am told, that now I have been allowed into the school that I sure have attitude with them. I was nice yesterday... but not anymore. I didn't argue, I just asked to speak to the principal.
After being placed on hold for about 3-4 minutes... Conversation with Principal- I am upset... on the verge of tears (its been a rough few weeks lately) and I ask the principal why this. I am only trying to send my child to school. I am just transferring from a local school. My divorce papers, and my lease agreements, are my private information. I am told to calm down and that he can't talk to me, unless I am being rational. That this is policy and I am more than welcome to speak to someone at the district. He did try to apologize for the secretary telling me I had attitude, but it wasn't very realistic. He gave me numbers to the school district person I need to talk to.
I call and speak with Justin at the school district. Telling him my problem. He doesn't give me much hope. Outside of having my ex-husband sign over power of attorney (how rational and realistic is that????) there wasn't much he could do. He would talk to his boss and call me back.
I am still waiting on that call.
So this leads me to my options. Many friends say to contact a lawyer. What is that going to gain? A long drawn out process, that is never ending? But if I don't, who stands up for our right to privacy? And why is it that we are all slowly losing our right to privacy and choice? Because no one wants to overwhelm a system that doesn't have enough money as it is. All I wanted to do, was put my daughter in a school that was close to me and away from a bunch of problems. And now I feel completely discriminated against. I was treated as second rate, because of a divorce over 8 years ago. It doesn't matter whose fault it was, but it's over. I can't believe that no one has said anything else out there. Or am I the only one that was completely honest on the applications?
Seriously, what do I do?
I was discriminated against, because I am a divorced parent. I tried to transfer my daughter to a new school (after a move 10 blocks away) and was told that I couldn't bring her to Valley View Elementary (Alpine School District in Pleasant Grove), until I provided them with a copy of my lease (or purchase agreement). I told them they can not have a copy (I should be allowed some privacy to finances) and I would provide a utility bill (begrudgingly). After filling out "their" paperwork (after all it is only a transfer within the district) and promising on the paperwork that I was the custodial parent in 3-4 different places, I took her to her first day this morning. I have other small children, so we loaded up in the stroller... checked into the office (with the paperwork)... walked my daughter to her class... walked to the Lunchroom to make sure that was taken care of... walked to our vehicle and was loading the kids back up, when I was called by the school to see where my divorce decree way (or some form of custodial agreement)...
4 comments:
I feel bad you had such a hard time transferring! That stinks your divorce decree was destroyed. What a pain.
If I take a moment to look at it from the other side, though, I'm almost a little grateful. Lets say I had an extremely abusive husband that I divorced, and I got custody of our child. If my husband took off with my child and moved somewhere else, I would be eternally grateful to the school secretary or the principal or the school district that told him that they couldn't just admit my child anyway. Now, I'm not saying in ANY way whatsoever that any of the people you had to deal with were making judgment calls on you, I'm just saying that there is a very good reason behind why our state has the laws that it has. It's NOT because of people like you-- it's because of the really bad people who do things like use their kids as weapons against their ex-spouses. Kind of a "one bad apple ruins it for the whole bunch" thing. I'm feel really bad that your experience was so bad, though.
I can see it from that perspective. I am not judging them for their choices. But here is a few other ways to look at it. No one outside of "divorced parents" are required to provide proof of custody. Not a parent where the other parent is deseased. Or parents that never got married. Or foster parents... I could go on and on. Basically, only if you tell them (are honest) will you have to prove custody of your child. There is a million ways around it. I could have lied on the form. I could have lost custody, but still have one set of paperwork that said I was awarded custody.
The theory behind the law is good. It just has way to many loopholes. And it doesn't "require" proof from everyone to abide by it. I offered to have my ex come in and "give" permission to have her there. That wasn't good enough. They want copies of all of my legal proceedings, which in my opinion is an invasion of my privacy.
Did you have to prove all that with the school you took her out of? Wouldn't they have that info?
Just askin'.
Nope, no proof required... of any kind. Supposedly a new rule.
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